Today's exercise is a list. I encourage all of you folks at home to try it on your own. It may just save you $900 in therapy. Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to write 12, 15, 60 things that you've wanted to say to someone but haven't been able to. Perhaps you didn't get a chance to. Maybe you haven't because of fear of what the retribution might be. I've done this before in the old days, but there are different people around, and we've had different experiences, and so here I am...
1) You turned it upside down, but I'll never hate you. After all, it was probably my fault.
2) I told you everything else, but I never told you how I really felt about it, and now it's too late.
3) You left my life too early. I should have appreciated our friendship and embraced our time more while you were with us.
4) I could apologize to you every day and it wouldn't be enough. It will never be enough, even though I think you've forgiven me.
5) I give you shit every time you screw up, but stay true to yourself. I wish I was 85% you and 15% me sometimes.
6) I wish I had your style, your character, your morality. They're all going to be looking to you for answers someday, and you're going to provide them.
7) It's unfathomable to me that you keep going back to the hell you've created. Sadly, the day will come when I'm not here to pick up the pieces.
8) I'll never live up to your expectations. This has created an insecurity in me for as long as I can remember.
9) I've known you for a long time, and for the first time, I don't know who you are anymore.
10) I know you're sad and lonely, but you have to believe me on this one. The sun is gonna shine tomorrow and people will smile at you. There are many people out there who consider your happiness nearly as important as their own. It's a testament to your character.
11) I never knew how much I'd miss you. I'm five different decisions from having you still.
12) You did what you had to do, and I can't blame you. Even though I didn't agree with you, if I were you, I probably would have done it, too.
13) Thank you for being you, for never judging, for taking what I gave and never expecting anything else. Thank you for listening. You've listened to the best I've had and the absolute worst I've been, and you're still here. There's not a Hallmark card big enough.
14) I will love you for the rest of my life. Until the day I die.
15) I'm sorry...
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3 comments:
interesting. of course, I tried to match them to who I think they belong to. Some are obvious, some could apply to several, 1 or 2, no fucking idea. I like number 10, I like that you are in or getting to a place where you can realize this, seems not to long ago that someone was probably saying this to you. Good for you, pay it forward.
I thought the exact same things for number 10. It's so easy to say and so hard to do....
So the other day, in the shower, I thought to myself, "Self- remember that 15 things to 15 people list. That was a good one. I wonder how many things I'd have to say" and then, this morning, I see you've done it. Could you please stop being in my mind? Thanks.
Glad to hear your voice.
I wish I had the insight that you do.You have the ability to overcome anything that comes your way.You have grown up to be a great man.Not many people have a heart the size of yours and if they do they don't know how to use it.You will do great things in life not because of your education or wealth but because of the person your are.
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